Last Wednesday, I learned that my whole life was a fiction. Not like I was adopted, or that I was a brain in a jar, or anything like that. But that I was the character in a story. Would that make it non-fiction, since it’s based on my life? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think the story is based on my life. I think my life is being dictated by the story.
I know this is true because of two facts: One, I have no free will. No matter what I think up or decide, has little or no bearing on what actually happens. For instance, yesterday I wanted to order a muffin but when it came time to order I said “Canadian Creme” instead! I know, I know, it sounds like I’m talking about will power not free will, but it goes beyond that with me. I’ll do and say things that I wasn’t even thinking. I always thought that I was just impulsive. I would come up with reasons for my actions after the fact. But I can’t deny it anymore, my actions don’t come from my own mind. They’re coming from the writer’s.
And two, because my life makes no sense unless it’s part of a storytelling plot. For instance, I went to school for animation, but I actually work in a call centre. As near as I can tell, my entire life before twenty-two must have been my own. My life wasn’t part of The Story yet.
But my life isn’t totally out of my control - not always, anyway. I think that when I’m in-between scenes that I have some control over my own actions. For instance, when I’m in the bathroom, I can read whatever I want, text whoever I want. It’s only when I’m in a narrated scene that I lose control.
Luckily, I don’t think it’s one of those stories that narrates the protagonist’s inner monologue, so at least I can think my own thoughts. Maybe think a way out of this story.
(( finds out isn’t protagonist ))